Chapter Five

“Do you like the way this feels?” He whispers in my ear, rims his tongue around my neck, every inch of my body dissolves. He grabs both of my hands, puts them behind my head and pushes me back against the wall. Slowly he goes down on me, I shut my eyes. I wonder if heaven does exist, then this is it. That’s another good thing about being with an older man; they’ve learned over the years how to please with a gaze and a smile. After 2 days of avoiding his calls and texts, I needed to show him we were still good. Besides, I need this distraction. Still, I worry about how my past mistakes are going to foul it all up: my future and my relationship. Ah, these thoughts only create stress I don’t need. Then, I find myself lost in the moment. His touch reminds me of the first time we made love.  The nervousness of not knowing what you’re getting yourself into. The secrets that you need to keep to yourself until you believe the truth won’t change anything. Yes, I can bring myself to that moment. I look back on that moment, when the plan was only to check out his apartment but before long, my clothes were on the floor.

After three weeks of dinners and exchanging texts and emails, he seemed like everything I ever foresaw myself with. He was passionate about life; he well-traveled and down to earth. He made me feel so comfortable that I shared some intimate, personal details that I usually kept to myself. So, when he invited me to his home for dinner, I accepted, knowing full well that the evening may end up with me in his bed. But that was not my intention as I entered his apartment. I’ve thought I might be able to go around it. Talks to him, get to know him even better. As I took in my surroundings, a feeling of helplessness and horror overtook me. The walls were festooned with ancient weapons of all kinds; knives, swords, scimitars, mace and chain, and hanging from the ceiling were these creepy dolls. I could envision my parents seeing my mangled corpse on the evening news as I had surely entered the domain of a murdering maniac.  Beads of sweat began to form all over my quivering body. I heard the door lock click behind me as I turned around to try and escape. His hand touched me gently and led me further inside his house of horrors. I imagined any predator would do the same thing just before ripping their victims’ guts out.

“Take a seat,” he says in a commanding tone. I obey, thinking that if I comply with his wishes, I may get out of here alive.

“Stay put, I’ll be right back,” he says and returns with two glasses of wine in his hands. He sips his but I lay mine on the table and huddle submissively with my hands between my legs. I was lost in confusion. Maybe what I saw in him before was all in my head.

“You’re not drinking your wine.”

“Thanks, but I’m not much of a drinker” I lied. He tried to lighten the moment with a joke I didn’t appreciate.

“You don’t need be to worry; I didn’t put anything in it.” I try to smile but feel more frightened than ever.

“You don’t look comfortable,” he says. There was a challenging look on his face, daring me to lie to him.

“You are beautiful.”  He took another sip. I don’t know what to make of this statement.  My eyes wander about the room and settles on a vase full of swords. My track record with men had been less than stellar, but is this what I deserved for going to the apartment of a man I barely knew; being skewered on a sword? When I returned my attention back to him, he was standing inches away from me, his hand extended, inviting me to take it. I hesitate but know I cannot refuse this invitation. We stared into each other eyes and the coldness I saw in them before was replaced by a sorrowfulness I did not fully comprehend. Suddenly, he looked younger than his years as he hypnotized me with his eyes of ocean blue. He pulled me close and his lips gently touched mine. I think about pushing away but he is too strong and my will too weak. This man frightened me, yes, but he also excited me in a way I had never known before. I wondered if I was lying to myself. I told myself that I went to his apartment only to get to know him better but what if what I really wanted was actually happening to me now. He lifted me in his arms and carried me to the bedroom. The fear I had felt before melted away, replaced by a burning passion. There was no turning back now.

When we were done, I knew that he couldn’t be the frightful person I imagined he was. He was too gentle, too concerned about me. Yet there was something mysterious about him and I knew that I wanted to get to know this complex man better. He kept a certain part of himself shut away deep inside. This was something we had in common.

Every part of my body begins to tingle as his tongue delves deeper into the recesses of my body. I’m halfway there when he stops and begins kissing his way up my torso until he reaches my lips. Deep in my thoughts, I had forgotten we were still in the shower.

Damn it, I thought.

“Why did you stop?” I ask, wanting to sweet talk him into finishing what he started. Shutting the water off, he gazes passionately into my eyes.

“Let’s finishes this in the bedroom.” He put his hands on my waist and slowly pulled me closer. I jump up and wrap my legs around his body. A trail of water follows us as we make our way from the bathroom to the bedroom. He kicks the door open, gently lowers me onto the bed and climbs on top of me.

COPYRIGHT © 2013 BY ASHLEY KING

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Chapter Four

I step into the living room, in the corner of my eye I spot the refrigerator light on. I start to walk toward my room, but something catches me by surprise. There he was; I did a double take, but am unable to stop myself from staring. His body was better than the male models that are on the cover of Men’s Fitness Magazine; but that wasn’t the reason my mouth was wide open. An uncomfortable smile crosses my face; I didn’t know why my feet weren’t taking me away from this unpleasant encounter. A big, confident grin crosses his face as if it normal to strut around naked. I couldn’t blame him for not wanting to keep this body hid, but his types were everything I stay away from. Even so, I try to steer clear of men like him. Their built like gods, but gods always pay the most attention to themselves. I guess it explains why they exit the door faster than they enter. They don’t understand that a woman needs more than just a good fuck; we also need an ear to listen to us bitch about anything, they need to understand that we come first and require that they appreciate our beauty. My roommate, Eden always giver her heart to the wrong king of man; one week she told me she found Mr. Right and the next week she comes to me crying how she was deceive by a frog.

“Hey there!” he says, with that shit eating grin spread over his godlike face.

He holds a full length hot dog in his hand that is smaller than the one dangling between his muscled thighs. Embarrassed by the sight, I nod slightly and quickly head for my room. I bump into Eden walking out the bathroom with a towel wrap around her body. Her face was shiny; I could always tell when she had an orgasm. Thank God I wasn’t in the next room; hearing her screaming, begging, and that big finale that always wakes the next door neighbors.

“I thought you were going to spend the night at your man’s house?” I grab her and pull her in my room.

“You weren’t playing around when you told me you only go for the monsters.”

“He’s not a grower, he’s a shower. I can’t complain though, that tongue of his knows how to dance if you get my drift. You haven’t answered me, what are you doing here?”

“I wasn’t in the mood for it; I needed to be alone tonight.”

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing!” Eden stands there demanding an answer. “Eden if something was wrong I would have told you, don’t you think its rude leaving that poor guy alone?”

“You’re the one that drags me into your room trying to get the dirt on my sex life.”

Eden exits my room; I call on the bed and stare at the ceiling. I feel like the world is closing in on me, I had a sense like someone had been following me. I’m not one to be scared of the unknown, but someone had been calling and hanging up. I don’t make enemies, but the fact I don’t know who it is eating me up inside. I have an idea who it might be, but I’m not one hundred percent sure. Still, it has to be him. Who else would have so much time on their hands to play pranks like they’re still in junior high?

Copyright © 2013 by Ashley King

Chapter Three

I stood in the hallway searching for my key; my head start to itch and my heart was skipping beats. I took a deep breath; unlocked the door and walked in. The moment I stepped inside I was slapped by a smell that made my mouth water; he was preparing my favorite dish. I smiled knowing he might be the one; I might end up getting my dream husband after all. I have been dished out nothing but trouble in my life; loser, blackmailer, crack head, and mama’s boy. It was time for nature to give me a decent person; I know it might end up being two funerals and an engagement when I tell my parents about Ames. I will cross that bridge when come to it, now I’m taking my time determining where he stands in my world. I step into the living room searching for him; I walk in and out of the room still unable to locate him.

“Ames, where are you?” Nothing! There was only one other place he could be. I had been welcomed to his home, but his study was the only place I haven’t entered. I felt like I am forbidden from going there, even though he’s never said a word. I knock gently and peer through the open door. “Ames, are you in here?” Startled, he quickly closes his laptop.

“Hey boo, I didn’t hear you come in.” He gets up to meet me halfway. As I enter the room. I spot a young girls picture on his desk. She doesn’t look any older than my sister.

“I thought I might find you here?”

He smiled; I could tell it wasn’t sincere. I let it go; I didn’t want to start digging into his affairs. I know older men come with a lot baggage. They already had a life that didn’t involve you. While you are trying to create a life for yourself, they are rebuilding a second one, or third one. One they didn’t plan for.

“Supper will be ready in few; go ahead put your bag in the bedroom.” He walks into the kitchen, “Don’t you think it might be better to leave some of your clothes here permanently. You wouldn’t have to stop at your apartment for a change of clothes.”

“Don’t you think that it might be too soon?”

“You’re an adult so am I; I don’t see what the problem is! Lately you’ve been spending half your time here; I have some empty drawers just waiting to be used.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“There’s nothing to think about, just do it.” He walks into the dining room and places a plate of steak, rice and broccoli in front of me. He stands over me, waiting for my response. “You want anything to drink?”

“I’m fine for now.” I smile to show I am grateful, as indeed I am.

“Enjoy!” He takes a seat across from me. “You haven’t given me an answer about using those empty drawers!”

Seconds after he finishes his sentence my phone starts to ring. I breathe slowly knowing I just dodged a bullet. I get up from the dinner table and step into the living room to see who is calling. I grab the phone. It feels like someone punches me in my stomach. My face slowly wrinkles, when I remember I’m not alone, I relax my face. Ames’ eyes were on me questioning me. I smile and tuck the phone into my pocket. I return to the table. I grab the knife wanting to stab the steak in front of me, I feel like my skin is getting hot. I look up and smile with guilty.

“Supper is delicious!” I say to break the silence.

“You haven’t told me how your first day bossing people around went.” I smile, but in reality I feel sick. Maybe it was in my head, the food that had tasted so delicious started to taste like shit. I knew spending the night wasn’t going to go well; he would ask what’s wrong? The answer to that question I wasn’t ready to reveal. I have to make an excuse to get the hell out of here. What excuse could I come up with, I had my clothes with me, and I was planning to spend the night. Think! Lying never come easy to me!

“I’m not feeling well; I think I’ll head home!”

He stares at me like he knows I’m not being truthful. I look down at the floor to avoid being read by him.

“Is everything okay?”

“I’m not feeling well, I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“If you’re not feeling well’ maybe you should just stay here and rest. I could take care of you.”

“Sorry Ames I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I grab my purse and head out the door. I imagine my poor Ames sitting alone at the table; clueless about what just happened; staring at my half empty plate, which normally would have been licked clean.

Copyright © 2013 by Ashley King

Chapter Two

Chatting with customer one after another, I was stuck inside my head. I run back and forth bringing them whatever they desire, smile to show them their desires are important to me. Changing medium to small, large to extra-large, still my mind stuck around those three little words that change a relationship status to someone I’m fucking to someone I’m thinking about having a future with. I did care for Ames, but last time I loved someone it didn’t end well. So I was protecting my heart from being hurt again. A part of me wanted to say it back to him, but instead I ran to work so I didn’t have to utter those words or even worse, explain why I couldn’t. He had been nothing but kind to me for the past five and a half months. Still, my gut told me that he was hiding something. I could see in his eyes, something just didn’t add up. Maybe it was me, looking for something that wasn’t there. I have told myself to chill; nevertheless, what if the same thing happens again. I had asked him all the appropriate questions and he told me what I wanted to hear, perhaps he could also lie. That is a lesson I didn’t need to be taught, everyone lies, but men are the masters of lies.

“Can I get three smalls, a medium of this one, and this size is perfect. Do you think I should get this one in green?” One customer I had been helping for the past hour finally decided what she wanted; leaving a pile of unwanted clothes for me to clean up. I grab the clothes from her hands; look around to make sure there were enough employees before I head to the back.

“I’ll be right back, Liz can you watch the front store?” I grab her shoulder, “smile girl you don’t want to chase our customer away!”

Liz has nothing to smile about; her boyfriend for the past two years told her he had been sleeping with her brother. Which it was my fault since I knew he was gay the moment our eyes met. She had asked me what I thought about him, I laid telling her opposite what I should told her. It wasn’t my business to announce his secret, but it’s was always funny when I see these poor girls dragging a gay man around with no idea he likes to take it in the butt. Then wonder why he couldn’t eat their pussy. I always thought that was a sign a guy is gay, when he couldn’t get down on his knees, and slurp it like an ice cream Sunday. I feel her pain, still there is a job to be done, and her pain doesn’t matter at this point. I look back spotted Liz with a wide smile greeting a woman standing empty handed, behind her a man carrying three different brand bags. I march in the back; Kathleen is sitting in the office going through her phone.

“Ashley what are you doing in the back?” Miss I give a damn about this job asks me.

“I have to grab some stuff for a customer.”

“You’re an assistant manager now, you should ask one of the new bees to get it for you.” Yes I could have done that. I always hated it when a manager acted like they are almighty. I don’t want to do the same. I smile at her knowing she has been laying all her responsibility on me.

“Is not a big deal, I need to drink some water.” I lie for some unknown reason, but I am was certain this will put an end to this conversation.

I open my locker and grab my phone to see if there’s a text message but there’s nothing. Normally Ames would have sent me a text to see how my day is going; now my silence isn’t creating any wonder anymore.

Copyright © 2013 by Ashley King

Chapter One

Ames has his hand holding my waist tightly; he forces my body close to his. I want it, needs it, but I was running late for work. He grabs me by my hair and forces his tongue inside my mouth. His breath tastes better than candy! Right then I knew fighting back was useless. He throws me down onto the bed, climbs on top of me. He pulls the shirt off my back, drops it onto the floor. I glance at the clock to make sure I have enough time, wishful thinking. His hand knocks the clock on the floor and shatters it. Suddenly, the clock starts to ring. The sound gets louder and louder until it is ringing inside my head. His voice starts calling my name.

“Ashley, Ashley wakes up.”

I awaken to find him staring down at me. A broad smile crosses his face the moment his eyes catch mine. He pulls the covers off to make sure I get up; leaving me nude on the bed. Still, I resist waking up as I do not relish heading to a job that I hate. Still I have bills to pay; my student loans aren’t going to disappear and my rent still has to be paid. I sit on the bed wondering where my clothes are, than I realize they must still be in the living room where he took them off me. I head toward the living room with the bed sheet wrapped around my body. I spot him standing in the kitchen cooking breakfast.

“How do you want your eggs?”

I grab my shirt off the couch; my shoes are at the front door where I left them. I look around to find him waiting for my answer.

“I think I will pass on breakfast, I can’t be late for my first day as assistant manager. I don’t want to piss off Miss I give a damn about this job, even though I can do her job better than she can.”

“Come on boo, you don’t want to waste these homemade home fries?” He pauses; I start to feel guilty as his beautiful blue eyes stare me down. I always wonder why I am so in love, since his entire jokes are always so hurtful. Then I realize his kindness outbid my lack of sense of humor. “Okay I will pack it for you; you can microwave it before you start work. I left the shower running for you; I think it should be warm by now.”

“Thanks, you shouldn’t have.”

As I look at him, I realize this is not the man I ever thought I could be with or love. True I like older guys because they are more secure. Younger men always want to play games, games that I’m not interested in playing. I also didn’t want my man to be older than my parents. But 5 years older, well that was something that did bother me in the beginning. After a few talks with girlfriends discussing the pros and cons of dating someone his age, they convince me that age is just a number. Besides more often than not, he acts as if he’s still in his teens. Then I have to deal with stares of people thinking I’m using him for something he doesn’t have. Yes he is secure like I wanted him to be; every now and then I was grateful he didn’t exceed my expectations. Gazing at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and deciding that I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, I head for the door. I find him standing in front holding my breakfast in the air.

“Enjoy bossing people around.” He lays a light kiss on the top of my lip. After our lips touch he brings me closer to him, then refuses to release me. I grab his ass and quickly pull myself away knowing this might end up with me taking off my clothes.

“I’m running late, you know I can’t stand people that come to work late.”

“I love you!”

I slam the door hearing his words echo into the hallway, my heart starts beating fast, and my hands start to sweat. I stand there feeling like my feet have been glued to the ground. I was wondering if I should return and say thank you. Then I realize say nothing is better, the silence could leave him wondering.

Copyright © 2013 by Ashley King

Preface

Cheating isn’t something I do, but it is something I watch happen around me. I thought it might be great to do; the thrill of getting caught. When my back against the wall and a knife in his hand; maybe I shouldn’t take my friends advice after all. I should have been faithful, but I was tired of living behind my black shades. If I knew this might end up costing me my life, I would have stay in the role of a good girl.

Copyright © 2013 by Ashley King